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Monday, October 28th, 2002
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9:31 pm - a little bit off topic
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I was trying to clear some space in my mailboxes today. Yahoo was easy enough, mostly redundant essays. As I got closer to the beginning, I started noticing history. I had to keep going. It wasn't too gripping, at least from the yahoo account (mostly an essay dropbox), but it brought my smiles to see all the things I've helped on (especially chippy's works, I am so proud of her =) ).
So I moved on to hotmail, good 'ol happydude. I started on page 7 of my 700 or so emails (meaning the beginning). Two seconds into it, scanning the message heads, and tears start to form in my eyes. I don't think I would have been able to make it too far through that. Its been that long...
One day I'll be able to go through those again, without the same sense of foreboding and weight. Maybe. I can't delete anything not recent until then. Maybe never. I don't think history should be taken so lightly after all. It's gonna be a bitch should I ever back all that up =)
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| Sunday, October 27th, 2002
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1:06 am - decisions
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I've decided that I will follow through and finish what I've started. I will not be sending them to their tombs because I will be there no matter what. Don't know how, but I'll do my damn best to make sure I don't lose them.
This will call for some new efficiency iniatives =P
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| Friday, October 25th, 2002
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9:28 pm - fun
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8:56 pm - movie reviews
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just saw The Ring and The Transporter today.
The Ring was scary, I think. Not for me though, I was laughing like crazy and my comments made the front row laugh too =P
The Transporter's plot was paper thin, but Shu Qi was cute and the action was nice.
Thank god I passed on Ghost Ship.
and Tuxedo (saw that a while back) was surprisingly funny, though once again plot thin (but not as thin as transporter).
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| Thursday, October 24th, 2002
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10:12 pm - to see it laid before me
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like an odd perversion of the hedgehog's dilemma, the closer I get the farther I could become. which in and of itself is almost the same as suffering the spines in otherwise normal circumstances.
I don't have the heart to be selfish though. So I will take my chances and see what happens.
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9:11 am - random link
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| Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
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5:36 pm - mission accomplished
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no more managerial accounting, and a long time before I have to learn any FFM (aka cutting class)
the unexpected side affect: MW I know get out at 11AM. Damn, I better find something fun to do for the rest of the day =P
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| Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
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11:59 pm - time to test my mettle
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in what some may consider an almost ludicrous use of the one day before my managerial accounting final and FFM midterm (same day), I spent most of it helping others and somehow magically cramming/reverse-engineering the sample test and hw problems for FFM until I could solve them all without having read a single handout (minus the one with the definition of standard deviation, my brain blanked out on that for some reason).
Yeah, thank god for the "legal" cheat sheet, otherwise I'd never be able to reverse engineer anything tommorow. And props to Guo for supplying one =)
As for Managerial...well, I still got some time to do that in the morning =)
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| Monday, October 21st, 2002
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9:56 pm - my god, I simply dont know what to say about this one
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| Sunday, October 20th, 2002
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5:44 pm - reflecting again?
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At some point I question even my own sanity for continuing to help. As I've mentioned to a penguin earlier, I feel as if I hasten peoples' demise by making the wheels turn at this so-called institution of higher-learning. The penguin told me maybe it is what they want. Of course the next thing to pop into my mind is that their ideas of what they are getting conflict with what they want (of course I would never fall into the trap of thinking "they don't know what they want!") =P
Then to top it off I am not sure what I think I am getting out of all this. Of course some part of me likes to think I am getting something out of all this, even though by now I've been corrupted to the point where I could (and would) do work for practically free. Yes, some people question, and then I question. Maybe it all boils down to one thing I remember a chipmunk told me. Something along the lines of wishing I took chinese so she could help me. The example is beside the point; it is rather odd that I don't want much. And what I do want cannot be given, it must be earned.
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| Friday, October 18th, 2002
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10:45 pm - you have to see this
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| Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
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12:04 pm - and the reply to my reply
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Hi Brian,
Thanks for explaining further. In that case, come to class, and I'll try to
engage you more often so that the middle of each session is more stimulating
- that might help. I don't think the answer is for you to just stop coming,
but instead for you and I to work together to try to keep up the pace a bit
better.
Prof. Wrzesniewski
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(comment on this)
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12:03 pm - you've seen the letter, now here is the reply i made
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my reply:
actually, it does plague me in most of my classes. The only classes I
regularly stay awake in are the ones where either the temperature is
very cold (around 50-60 degrees F) or where the presenter's voice
varies in pitch/tone. Other than using high doses of caffeine (which
only works for about 30 minutes tops), I basically nod off after a bit.
As far as most people I have asked have told me (including one casual
medical opinion), it is not a real medical condition, but possibly a
combination of lack of sleep, biorhythmic patterns, sometimes eating
breakfast before class, and/or some sort of acquired attention habit
(or lack thereof). I mean no disrespect, I added that in my profile
because I knew it would come up, you would be the first professor to
actually give me a chance to explain/elaborate.
I do attend most of my classes since there might be something important
that comes up that I cannot obtain from slides/announcements, or
details regarding current class events. Yes, I do cut some classes that
I cannot at all stay awake in provided I have a contact in the class
who can cover for me. I hate to bother people by making them my
contact, so I usually exchange goods/services with them, except in this
class I don't know anyone well enough to work out some sort of
equitable arrangement (I am a junior, most of the class or almost all
of it is sophomores).
I knew that you checked attendance (at least topically) so I decided to
attend all the classes knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to stay
awake based upon that premise and also that you would make class-
specific announcements that I could not afford to miss. I generally am
most awake at the beginning and end of any class, which coincides with
the timing of announcements and handing things in, so usually it is to
my advantage to show up to classes when I can since my waking hours
catch the non-skippable portions of most classes. I am sorry if I am
disturbing you in class, and no, I would not appreciate if you slept
during my presentation, but I seriously lack the ability to stay awake
during most classes whereas you do not, etc...I do consider the class
interesting, but from my experience, any situation where I have to sit
relatively still for long periods of time without actively doing
something (listening doesn't really count unless I have to apply it
dynamically), then I nod off. I am sorry for causing any problems, and
if I cannot stay awake after midterms, I'll figure out some system
where I can spare you the trouble of having me there during the middle
portion of each class.
Yes, it is for the most part a mystery to myself even why I fall asleep
in most classes while others can stay awake. No, I am not out of shape,
I am more fit than most people my age, and no, I do not take any
medications or odd substances that cause drowsiness, and no, I am in
generally good health most of the time. Yes, I have tried coffee, no,
it doesn't do too much for me and I prefer not to anyway.
Thank you for your consideration, and I hope I can work something out.
Brian
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| Monday, October 14th, 2002
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6:36 pm - New High or New Low???
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Hi Brian,
I've been meaning to write about this for some time, but am only getting an opportunity to do so now. I want to ask a favor of you - if you cannot stay awake in MOA, can you please skip class on those days? On your personal info sheet at the beginning of the term, you noted that you sleep a lot in class. At first I thought you were joking around, now I see you meant it. I'm assuming this isn't some sort of medical problem that plagues you in all of your classes or I'd have gotten a note. It's distracting to have you snoozing there in the second row while I'm working to engage and involve the class in what you're doing. It's also disrespectful. I imagine you wouldn't be pleased if I slept through your team presentation at the end of the term.
Anyway, post-midterm, come and look alive, or skip. If there's some other issue underlying this, let me know.
Prof. Wrzesniewski
(This message is associated with Management & Organizational Analysis)
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| Sunday, October 13th, 2002
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9:32 am - of course
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| Saturday, October 12th, 2002
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10:44 pm - I wonder if it really has come to this
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that I would consider starting over somewhere else, leaving everything behind again.
I hear a voice telling me that I am a fool for trying, and the voice is my own. I don't even know what holds me back anymore. Well, I do have some idea, but the colder parts of my logic tell me those are irrelevant.
Then again, it's those "irrelevant" things which I value so much. But do they value me? Am I creating value or am I merely leaving a vacuum behind that will be filled with the doldrums of everyday life? Am I a shadow of others existence, in their existence? I create value for myself every second I breathe, but that value may be meaningless if there is no one to share it with. At this point I practically give away everything, for lack of anything better to do. Even that which is free is ignored, even spurned in some cases. Mostly I am bound by implicit contracts which I stretch, and the regular familial ties.
Dunno what's left. I suppose master more stuff and fend for myself. Man that sucks. Maybe someone else can take what I have to give and live the life I could never live, or at the very least a better one.
as for my operations, to hell with them, I don't need no damn operations to make an ass of my self or reduce myself to playing cards to simply pass time in between food and drinks. I may need one of them books on how to smoke crack and be lazy though.
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1:00 am - shocking!
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| Friday, October 11th, 2002
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11:36 pm - oh why....
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every time I think up then comes down, but for some reason up comes after that. I think I'm being led around, but then I've got nowhere else to go =(
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| Thursday, October 10th, 2002
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7:34 pm - and it all comes together again..but to what?
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ok, so after surviving a lunch with 8 girls (oz left in beginning), which fortunately dwindled down as group theory saved me and reduced the group size to three, I came to this question:
so far the only guys I hang out with in stern are oz, and jim. I think we are the only ones who just "hang out" in stern building. Why is that? Where are the guys?
second, after some talking with jing cai (I hope I got the name right) I think it IS safe to say that I AM the only one with a free schedule with large blocks of free time (other than Jim, who comes close). as a corollary mystery, apparently she has never met felicia. and they both appear to be going to london to study abroad next semester.
third, after lunch dwindled down and I sat to talk with my company, I got to know them a bit better. Learned some surprising things, and some not so suprising things. Operation Make-Ass-Of-Self has gotten more complex apparently. I guess I will need a paradigm shift. People really are getting overwhelmed by work, and it is taking its toll visibly. I must concoct a plan to either fix this or figure out a cool way to rejuvenate some people. Perhaps a Major Plan is in order.
Fourth, why does no one notice that they are taking a beating from business school, or if they notice it, why don't they do something about it? This one perhaps is easily answered, but that doesn't make the answer any less confusing.
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| Monday, October 7th, 2002
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5:10 pm - update on operation
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Well, after some more thought and planning, I realize that the different branches of operation make-ass-of-self have very different probability ratios. Option #1 requires a rethinking of strategy and possibly a paradigm shift on what it is that I would do, Option #2 is something more of a last (or close to last) resort, Option #3 seems like something I'd want to believe in rather than think can happen (this one is hard to analyze), Option #4 has some things in common but pretty much doesn't interest me, and Option #5 is also a last resort type of option.
Man, this is tough stuff.
Operation Become-grizzled-old-card-veteran is going nicely, am going to rethink my strategy on drink of choice and bottling techniques. It will require some imagination to shape or obtain a stylish container for my imbibing needs. Possibly the creation of an entirely new habit (either as substitute for or complement of drinking stuff).
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